19 Comments

It’s Raining Awards In B-Town!!

Awards season is HERE friends!!

And even though the nominations (Filmfare!) and the wins (Screen! and Zee!) are generally bullshit, I get excited every year anyway. Come on admit it ADMIT IT. You get excited too.

Because -

- we reserve the right to be absolutely indignant about deserving people who don’t win awards that we know in our hearts don’t matter

- we say every awards show is the equivalent of the Oscars and then make SRK & Ranbir dance in drag (LOL, we’re so schizo)

- we compensate for the cheap jokes by giving awards to small, deserving films and smugly pat ourselves on the back for having done the right thing

- even though secretly we get inordinately excited about….

….PC waving at us from mid-air

….Ranbir dancing to Shammi and Rishi Kapoor’s old songs with Helen and Neetu Singh

ranbirshammi

…and whatever crazy thing SRK and his ponytail does next as host

srkscreen13

…or Rekha’s latest front row kanjeevaram sari

rekha

….and this:

- we try so hard to pretend we’re really proud of films like Paan Singh Tomar and Gangs Of Wasseypur (and we are)

- but when things start making too much sense we whip out the Popular Choice or (my favorite) “International Icon” awards  for Big Stars with Big 100 Crore Films

- and something for Katrina because she’s so pretty and her inexplicable success bewilders the heck out of us

- we also like to bitch anytime anyone named Khan wins anything – it’s a yearly tradition because we’re guaranteed they’ll always win something

- and when we can’t decide between two deserving films or actors, we just give the award to both (LOL, chalta hai yaar)

- plus we have many “Thank You For Showing Up” awards on reserve that we distribute like candy to stars who accept them with admirable straight faces (*cough* Best Comedian Abhishek)

- every year we hope against hope we’ll have an awards show that is relevant and sane

- but every year we fail because Aamir Khan NEVER SHOWS UP

- so instead, we obsess over who wore what because B-town is just the kind of crazy town where international porn star Sunny Leone can look beautiful and elegant…

Courtesy Deccan Chronicle

Courtesy Deccan Chronicle

…..and a great actress like Parineeti Chopra can look frankly cuckoo

parineeti

B-TOWN FOREVER.

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19 comments on “It’s Raining Awards In B-Town!!

  1. A fun post, thanks! My only disagreement concerns Parineeti. To me, she looks not cuckoo but like someone who couldn’t give a damn because she doesn’t take the lakh of award shows seriously. To which I say, “Don’t ever change girlfriend!”

    • Oh I love Parineeti but I don’t know if “Sabyasachi couture” exactly says she doesn’t give a damn…more like “my PR made me wear it so what the heck”

      • That is more or less what I meant – her smile suggests that what people think of how she looks at the start of the 15-month annual award show cycle is a source of amusement to her. Although as a fashion-retarded viewer, I like what she’s wearing, except for the bow :)

  2. LOL and “and something for Katrina because she’s so pretty and her inexplicable success bewilders the heck out of us” pretty much. :D

  3. Lol I love this post. I feel the same. Especially about Abhishek and Katrina. He has done such brilliant work that is ignored yet an overrated Bol Bachchan hails him as the new Govinda or something. Katrina… I’m sorry, I know she works hard (and has Salman Khan to fall back on) but in terms of acting she has zero talent-especially with a face that now can’t actually move.
    And I really don’t wanna get started on Srk and Ranbir in drag, with appallingly unfunny jokes in what is supposed to be the most prestigous night in Hindi movies… Lol only in Bollywood, hey?

    • Maya – only in Bollywood, and that’s why I love it even though it’s aggravating LOL, if that makes any sense. I enjoy the shows and I love to see all the stars but I honestly can’t think of the awards as representing any real merit. The SRK-Ranbir drag act was such a low point especially because there were so many other funny things they could’ve done together….

      • Totally agree. Plus I just don’t think the two of them worked together aa a comedy pair-maybe its the generation gap. I preferred Ranbir’s show with Imran…

  4. I mean, Billy Crystal did blackface at the Oscars last year, and James Franco did drag the year before. So in terms of ridiculous, sort-of unfunny stunts, the Oscars and the Hindi film awards aren’t too different. ;)

    Also, I am pleasantly surprised by the nominations this year. I mean, sure, they’ll hand out the “Glad You Came” awards, but the real categories seem to have some meat. I’d almost rather they handed out those ridiculous awards than do what the Golden Globes do, and nominate dreck like The Tourist (!)in the actual categories. (Jk – never change, Golden Globes, you crazy, booze-soaked campfest!) Like, neither Filmfare nor Screen nominated a Dabanng 2 or JTHJ (as much as I loved it) for Best Film, which is cool. All the films nominated are actually solid, almost-universally praised works.

    • Sal –

      Oh yes, the Oscars telecast is just as ridiculous (James Franco, you will never live it down, but YAY for crazy Globes!) and I actually enjoy watching Bolly awards more, but I can never think of any Bolly award, including Filmfare as really symbolizing excellence and enduring for years to come. I mean, honestly does anyone remember who won the Screen Award or Zee Cine Award last year? They’re so disposable.

      I agree the FF nominations were better this year (and have been getting better over the last few years) but I don’t know if this is just me, but I don’t *believe* them – like they might give Best Film to PST or something but I feel like…they base their nominations on how films were praised or bashed by critics throughout the year rather than because there’s any real system for critical assessment within the awards jury itself. OR they’re *trying* to base their criteria on the Hollywood system which just doesn’t work for our films.

      LOL, I just have a love-hate relationship with the whole thing, I love the ridiculousness of it all, just don’t ask me to take them seriously. :)

  5. There’s too many awards show I always wonder which is the must-watch genuine awarding show ever. I must say all these awards show are entertaining to watch though.. SRK & Ranbir in drag was bit too much and immaturish for me. I like Imran & Ranbir pairing as host (in Fimfare awards I think..?) better..

    • diwaniladki –

      Yes WAY too many, it’s hard to keep track of them all. And not only so many different shows, but so many different categories within each show…I guess Filmfare is still the one everyone respects or gives the most importance to but IMO it’s really no different from the others. Agree that Imran & Ranbir were really cute!

  6. I’m looking forward to some of these performances but the awards are part popularity game-part backstage politics, as they are in every other country for every other awards show… such is the nature of awards.

    • FG – this is true. Just somehow they seem especially childish in Bolly, even the back-stage politics is so simplistic and there’s literally no system in place for critical assessment. They just seem utterly random.

  7. LOL it’s great that you do a whole post on Indian award shows without actually mentioning any nominees/winners. Very clever, GetFilmy.

  8. Fantastic article, its so hilarious and perfect. I feel like going on a rant about award shows after reading your article and watching a ridiculous show called Big Star Entertainment award where every single person who showed up won a made-up award. If Bollywood film awards ever want to be taken seriously, they need to clean up a few things.

    a) Create an academy of voters like the Oscars, who actually watch every film, no matter how big or small and judge the best based on a criteria that doesn’t only include who is more popular or who shows up to award ceremonies.

    b) Create a final list of categories to hand out awards for and create a final number of nominees for each category and DON’T CHANGE IT EVERY YEAR depending on when its convenient (i.e. get rid of nonsense categories like best villain or best comedian and have only 5 nominees for each category).

    c) Instead of promising and handing out awards like candy to everyone who shows up, give some goody/gift bags like the Oscars do to nominees, presenters, etc. That will definitely lure all these stars to show up.

    d) Please STOP editing award shows. They should be aired LIVE, period. Can someone please explain who thought it was a good idea to edit and show the same expression of stars throughout the show? Like what’s the logic behind that? They need to stop it now.

    They can reserve “popular” awards for lesser award shows like the People’s choice awards, where fans can vote and award the popular stars. But if we want to award people for acting, have an academy of voters like the Oscars and have at least ONE prestigious award ceremony where it is an honor just to be nominated. Filmfare, I’m looking at you since you’re the older award ceremony…please gain back some credibility and Aamir Khan might actually show up.

    /end rant.

    • Tani –

      OMG what a fantastic rant and my condolences on suffering through Big Star Entertainment Awards. I honestly still don’t even know what the heck that is. :D

      I love all your points – agree with all of them! I wonder if gift bags would be enough for some of our stars and to be fair, i think sometimes the channels themselves go overboard creating some insane award category to “honor” a star. This boot-licking is so ingrained in the culture, I doubt it will ever go away.

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