26 Comments

On Divas & Intellectualz: Mahesh Bhatt, Saif Ali Khan, Kareena Kapoor + Special 26 & Chashme Baddoor!!!

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: RACE 2 HAS JOINED THE 100 CRORE CLUB. TAKE A BOW LADIES & GENTLEMEN. ABBAS-MUSTAN: 1, SANITY: 0.

Intellectual #1: Mahesh Bhatt

So I’ve finally figured out how not to be irritated by the Bhatts. See, every time they have a Movie 4, Film 3 or Zillat 6 on release, we can look forward to the craziness that happens when Mahesh Bhatt (or any Bhatt) promotes a movie. And it is VERY entertaining.

In other news, Get Filmy’s blog will heal the world, feed all the starving children, end all wars and bring eternal lasting peace to the entire universe. It will reinvent everything that ever existed.

Over at Intrepid Journalist Headquarters, TOI asks Sara Loren:

How high is the boldness quotient in Murder 3?

There is a story in the film and the love making scenes are a requirement.

In other words, the Vishesh Films mission statement.

Intellectual #2: Saif Ali Khan

Saif launched into a massively lame-brained attempt at making sense of Race 2 recently – why he did it, how the film was not THAT bad, how much it does for women, how Indian films have no depth and how he’s kind of an aging douchebag.

Some quotes:

This film celebrates woman. Both the original and its sequel have shown women with strong roles. They can tilt the balance either in favour of or against the hero.

With what? Red lipstick, psychotic sunglasses, long legs, cleavage and moaning?

We worked out a lot. There are many schools of entertainment. Remember the popular TV show ‘Baywatch’ and the cynical adults got put off by it? I suspect that’s because they don’t have a chance of ever having those good torsos.

Haha. No I suspect it’s because we’re trying not to gag. Also, brains > torsos.

A part of being a Hindi film hero is all about being slick. We don’t really make deep movies nor do we like our characters to be particularly unfit. Indians don’t have the same idea of cool as to Americans do. We don’t understand cool and we don’t have a self-deprecating sense of humour.

Well thanks for speaking on behalf of all Indians, London-educated nawab sahib. You don’t sound the least bit arrogant or clueless.

Somebody in a review scoffed at the part of ‘Shroud Of Turin’ and said “wow”. I said the same thing, but sometimes you need to look beyond all that.

Tip: If the phrase “Shroud Of Turin” shows up in a Bollywood script, YOU NEED TO LOOK AT IT. You need to look at it so hard that it disappears. You can’t EVER look beyond it.

And finally the clincher:

 As actors, we know when we are bullshitting. The intention today is to make money.

It’s a young man’s game when you say you are not interested in box-office collections and want to do alternative cinema. But when it comes to meat and potatoes, those Rs100 crores matter. It means you are liked.

To quote Bohemia: Paisey da nasha, nashe da pyar, ve tune sikheya ki duniya chi aan de baad?

Apparently, nothing. I’m so disappointed in Saifu. Shouldn’t it be the opposite? Survival and approval compel you when you’re young (unless you’re Ranbir Kapoor, which he clearly is not).  When you’re a frikkin’ OLD MAN, one would hope you’ve learned a thing or two about what really matters.

SRK talks about making people happy, Salman talks about entertaining the audience, Aamir talks about giving the audience something to think about and Saif talks about making money & being liked. And torsos.

Is it any wonder that he was Bebo’s least favorite Khan back in the day?

And when did he become so superficial? *GASP* Are the Bebo-haters right? Is it really the post-nikaah Begum Bebo Effect?

Speaking of which….

Honest-To-God Diva #3: BEBO aka How To Rule The World

Just. THIS.

bebo

Courtesy India Today

And this.

Courtesy Santa Banta

Courtesy Santa Banta

SIIIIIIIGH. GIRL CRUSH MAX.

On the completely non-intellectual end of the spectrum, Bebo totally knocked it out of the park  during (what I believe) is her first major media appearance since she got back from honeymooning.

And she was there to launch, naturally, a book about herself called The Style Diary Of A Bollywood Diva.

My advice would be to ditch the book and just watch this video clip if you want tips on how to be a diva.

See, I can appreciate a Bollywood Diva who just doesn’t know how to be anything else. Exhibit A -

Bebo: OMG! Do I have to write this book?!

Publisher: No, we’ll get someone else to write it for you. You just be your awesome self.

Bebo: Phew! Okay.

What I can’t appreciate is a Bollywood Diva who pretends to be an intellectual —> SAIF + BHATT.

Divaz #4: Special 26 Critics

And finally, one fine day, Akshay Kumar confounded  the biggest Bollywood Divas of them all – the film critics, into unanimously praising him and his new film.

But first, just to orient yourselves, a word from Sajid Khan on critics:

Critics basically are speed-breakers for the audience’s entertainment.

And over to the speed-breakers:

But it’s Akshay Kumar who sets the tone for this adventure – he’s wonderfully understated as the leader of this gang who’s constantly thinking on his feet, and it’s fun to see him brazenly conduct the raids with an as-yet-unseen panache. – Rajeev Masand

That aside, it’s a crackling script that actors bite into. Akshay tones down, Anupam is comically vulnerable and Manoj is a tight ball of fury waiting to unleash. – Anupama Chopra

And just to even things out….

A quick clarification before I proceed further. SPECIAL 26 is not one of those mindless masala entertainers with leave-your-brains-at-home attitude. – Taran Adarsh

Thanks Taran ji. We couldn’t figure that out from the promos. I swear if the man had his way we would be leaving our brains not just at home, but in a foolproof safe under lock and key all the time.

But in a not-so-strange twist of fate, the one Akshay Kumar film that gets brainiac love turns out to have a lower opening day than the other release this Friday – ABCD.

So as always,  #BRAINFAIL. Which leads me to…

Chashme Baddoor

Good God Ali Zafar. Like WTF man? I want to pluck him and his divine voice right out of this mess and send him to a meditation retreat in the Himalayas or something. It looks like he might need it.

David Dhawan just does not work without Govinda. PERIOD. Everybody except Rishi Kapoor looks totally awkward in this. And it’s heresy to even breathe mention of the original film in the same space as this garbage. UGH.

Nainon Me Sapna

I never thought it would be possible to de-energize this song because it’s so utterly manic. But here it is, a completely deflated version of the original. Tamannah looks like she can barely move let alone dance and Ajay was a non-starter to begin with.

Sajid Khan says: “Today by the grace of God Himmatwala is the hottest film in recent times, after Dabangg 2.”

Mm hmm. And I’m Aishwarya Rai.

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26 comments on “On Divas & Intellectualz: Mahesh Bhatt, Saif Ali Khan, Kareena Kapoor + Special 26 & Chashme Baddoor!!!

  1. The Dhawan monstrosity of a remake is the very first time I can recall actually being made angry by just the promo STILLS – I haven’t even seen the trailer and still hate this film with a passion.

  2. Ugh Saif. SERIOUSLY? What a way to insult your audience and present yourself as a shallow douche! And BAYWATCH is his reference point/excuse? You just dated yourself, son.

    • Ani – he’s been using that Baywatch schtick all over the place as if to justify the badness of Race 2. He is SO elitist it’s not even funny, probably the one Khan who is completely out of touch with the audience. But then since the movie made 100 cr, I guess he gets the last word.

  3. Loved reading this post- Race-2 100 crore club- How?How? How?
    Saif- whats the matter with him!!! Anyways Kareena was gorgeous

  4. Loved this post! Murder 3 is surely going to be the most intellectual film of the year. I fully anticipate it. It’s that constant reinvention, truly – I mean, you just never know whether a Vishesh film will have erotic thrills or thrilling eroticism! It’s always surprising.

    Saif is just an idiot. I remember when he used to make good movies, actually pick interesting scripts and put effort into his acting. Now he’s just become this lazy guy and even his passion projects seem to turn out rather uninteresting. Torsos? Blatant objectification of both genders is somehow empowering to women? Indians can’t be self-deprecating? WTF!

    • Veracious – HAHAH “erotic thrills or thrilling eroticism” – such amazing reinvention!! :D

      I thought Saif was well-read and stuff and had a certain amount of sophistication around him before. Lately he seems like a money-hungry soul-less sleazoid. Maybe being out of the coveted Khan Club just finally drove him loony.

  5. the belt wore by KKK looks more like the WWF belts…

  6. “David Dhawan just does not work without Govinda. PERIOD.”

    Yup. I was watching Bol Radha Bol not too long ago, and the only thing I could say about it was that it looked as if it had been tailor made for Govinda. And Rishi was absolutely wrong for the role.

    If I set aside the fact that it’s Chashme Buddoor, I’d say it is refreshing to see Dhawan working with some fresh, young faces for a change. But then I have to face the fact that it’s Chashme Buddoor.

    However: I read that Sai Paranjpye has written the script for Dhawan’s updated version, so that fact alone intrigues me. Maybe if they hadn’t called it Chashme Buddoor? I don’t know.

    • Kay – Wow I didn’t realize Sai wrote the script for this because it seems like the most downmarket version of the original CB imaginable! Then again Dhawan is known to improvise on set so who knows how much of what she wrote survived. This Ali Z – DD combo is DISASTROUS. Ali is just too classy for this and it shows. :/

    • Yes, you read my mind: re: DD improvising on set. (I’m not a fan of AliZ so I’m less offended by him in it — I know, I know, heresy, I don’t know what it is, I just find him irritating and not charming like everyone else).

  7. Yup I think Saif’s new found stupidity is down to Kareena lol. He used to sound so intelligent once upon a time…

    And I think Special 26 will be like OMG. Very low opening, brilliant WOM and resulting in an intelligent supet hit for Akshay :)

    The Chashme Badoor trailer resulted in me repeatedly hitting myself over the head in an
    attempt to forget it. Poor Ali Zafar. And still that quote is stuck in my head. “Aarz kiya hai. When you can’t change the girl- change the girl.”

    • Maya – LOL nooooooo…. don’t blame my Bebo!! Though I have to admit that the formula fits. :(

      So happy for Akki and Special 26 – that man gets more hate than he deserves IMO. Even though his movies are really taxing for the brain but…I think he’s a good guy.

  8. Ameesha BEN [ ;-) ], Ranveer Singh, Bhatts & now Saif = Paagal log.

    Oye, I iz NOT a Bebo HATER. I have a love – hate relationship with her. :-D & regarding this book launch event, she would’ve looked better minus that 8 kg ka belt. She looked very stylish during Heroine promotions.

    You are BANG ON right about this “Nainon Mein Sapna” song. Its de-energized and deflated version. BTW, Sajid Khan & Ajay are bashing Awards in few i’views & then Zoom TV asks them why they attended Mirchi Awards?! *facepalm*

  9. I feel you are being a little unfair to Saif. Agreed he has sold his soul and he should’ve known better. But his candour in admitting this is appreciable. Except Aamir, every single last generation superstar (SRK, Devgan, Salman) seems terribly insecure about becoming irrelevant & loosing the following they have developed over the years. They are scared that a few failures and they might be written off by the media and forgotten by the audience. When “SRK talks about making people happy, Salman talks about entertaining the audience”, they are clearly bulshitting, given the choice of their films in the last 5 years. You want to make people happy? Then make better films! Atleast Saif is admitting that he is in it for the money.

    • Aseem,

      Insecurities aside, I still think SRK & Salman have their intentions in the right place – and the money their films make happen incidentally, not because they’re hungering after it. And what failures? Both SRK & Salman are still ruling right now. “Better films” is a subjective thing – they make what they believe in and what works for them. Not like Saif who has been blatantly seeking a huge hit since Agent Vinod (which didn’t do it for him). Yeah, better to admit it’s for money than claim it’s a masterpiece, but when it comes to Race 2, what other argument could he possibly make anyway? Obviously it was a superficial decision.

  10. LOL!!
    What’s wrong with Saif? I thought he was one of the saner ppl in BW!
    and you got to blame the choreographer also for that ta thaya thoo thoo song…wtf was that!!
    Awesome Blog!!

  11. What happened to Saifu?? I think he has lost it since.. Cocktail. Kareena look so pretty, pretty hot I would say!

  12. I was a big Ajay fan in 2010/2011. Singham was awesome. Now Ajay has just descended into rubbish. Akshay and Salman are way better in the action masala genre. It’s sad that the Himmatwala song is so bad. The orchestration, singing, choreography is all so bad. And they’ve used a green screen haven’t they – that background doesn’t look natural! But Tamannah is so frikkin hot and makes it all better.

  13. what in the world is going on?? i mean i go away for four weeks or so and you like write every other day, i’m on getfilmy overload here and i’m loving it. all i have to say about Bebo is just look at her, how her head wobbles confidently, the swaggerish lean to the side, the regal ness of it all just made me smile. Unlike you i absolutely DO NOT LIKE BEBO, but i respect her swag her. Bebo begum to the world

  14. Funny. Saif+Bhatt = saifhatt
    Bebo = Saifhatt – Saifhatt… so just ‘O’

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