IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: RACE 2 HAS JOINED THE 100 CRORE CLUB. TAKE A BOW LADIES & GENTLEMEN. ABBAS-MUSTAN: 1, SANITY: 0.
Intellectual #1: Mahesh Bhatt
So I’ve finally figured out how not to be irritated by the Bhatts. See, every time they have a Movie 4, Film 3 or Zillat 6 on release, we can look forward to the craziness that happens when Mahesh Bhatt (or any Bhatt) promotes a movie. And it is VERY entertaining.
The Barbie doll, pop icon Madona, Amitabh Bachchan & Vishesh films secret to longevity & relevance: Constant Reinvention.—
Mahesh Bhatt (@MaheshNBhatt) February 06, 2013
# Murder 3: James Bond changed because the times changed. The Murder franchise has also been reinvented to stay in sync with a new India.—
Mahesh Bhatt (@MaheshNBhatt) February 06, 2013
In other news, Get Filmy’s blog will heal the world, feed all the starving children, end all wars and bring eternal lasting peace to the entire universe. It will reinvent everything that ever existed.
Over at Intrepid Journalist Headquarters, TOI asks Sara Loren:
How high is the boldness quotient in Murder 3?
There is a story in the film and the love making scenes are a requirement.
In other words, the Vishesh Films mission statement.
Intellectual #2: Saif Ali Khan
Saif launched into a massively lame-brained attempt at making sense of Race 2 recently – why he did it, how the film was not THAT bad, how much it does for women, how Indian films have no depth and how he’s kind of an aging douchebag.
This film celebrates woman. Both the original and its sequel have shown women with strong roles. They can tilt the balance either in favour of or against the hero.
With what? Red lipstick, psychotic sunglasses, long legs, cleavage and moaning?
We worked out a lot. There are many schools of entertainment. Remember the popular TV show ‘Baywatch’ and the cynical adults got put off by it? I suspect that’s because they don’t have a chance of ever having those good torsos.
Haha. No I suspect it’s because we’re trying not to gag. Also, brains > torsos.
A part of being a Hindi film hero is all about being slick. We don’t really make deep movies nor do we like our characters to be particularly unfit. Indians don’t have the same idea of cool as to Americans do. We don’t understand cool and we don’t have a self-deprecating sense of humour.
Well thanks for speaking on behalf of all Indians, London-educated nawab sahib. You don’t sound the least bit arrogant or clueless.
Somebody in a review scoffed at the part of ‘Shroud Of Turin’ and said “wow”. I said the same thing, but sometimes you need to look beyond all that.
Tip: If the phrase “Shroud Of Turin” shows up in a Bollywood script, YOU NEED TO LOOK AT IT. You need to look at it so hard that it disappears. You can’t EVER look beyond it.
And finally the clincher:
As actors, we know when we are bullshitting. The intention today is to make money.
It’s a young man’s game when you say you are not interested in box-office collections and want to do alternative cinema. But when it comes to meat and potatoes, those Rs100 crores matter. It means you are liked.
To quote Bohemia: Paisey da nasha, nashe da pyar, ve tune sikheya ki duniya chi aan de baad?
Apparently, nothing. I’m so disappointed in Saifu. Shouldn’t it be the opposite? Survival and approval compel you when you’re young (unless you’re Ranbir Kapoor, which he clearly is not). When you’re a frikkin’ OLD MAN, one would hope you’ve learned a thing or two about what really matters.
SRK talks about making people happy, Salman talks about entertaining the audience, Aamir talks about giving the audience something to think about and Saif talks about making money & being liked. And torsos.
Is it any wonder that he was Bebo’s least favorite Khan back in the day?
And when did he become so superficial? *GASP* Are the Bebo-haters right? Is it really the post-nikaah Begum Bebo Effect?
Speaking of which….
Honest-To-God Diva #3: BEBO aka How To Rule The World
SIIIIIIIGH. GIRL CRUSH MAX.
On the completely non-intellectual end of the spectrum, Bebo totally knocked it out of the park during (what I believe) is her first major media appearance since she got back from honeymooning.
And she was there to launch, naturally, a book about herself called The Style Diary Of A Bollywood Diva.
My advice would be to ditch the book and just watch this video clip if you want tips on how to be a diva.
See, I can appreciate a Bollywood Diva who just doesn’t know how to be anything else. Exhibit A -
Bebo: OMG! Do I have to write this book?!
Publisher: No, we’ll get someone else to write it for you. You just be your awesome self.
Bebo: Phew! Okay.
What I can’t appreciate is a Bollywood Diva who pretends to be an intellectual —> SAIF + BHATT.
Divaz #4: Special 26 Critics
And finally, one fine day, Akshay Kumar confounded the biggest Bollywood Divas of them all – the film critics, into unanimously praising him and his new film.
But first, just to orient yourselves, a word from Sajid Khan on critics:
Critics basically are speed-breakers for the audience’s entertainment.
And over to the speed-breakers:
But it’s Akshay Kumar who sets the tone for this adventure – he’s wonderfully understated as the leader of this gang who’s constantly thinking on his feet, and it’s fun to see him brazenly conduct the raids with an as-yet-unseen panache. – Rajeev Masand
That aside, it’s a crackling script that actors bite into. Akshay tones down, Anupam is comically vulnerable and Manoj is a tight ball of fury waiting to unleash. – Anupama Chopra
And just to even things out….
A quick clarification before I proceed further. SPECIAL 26 is not one of those mindless masala entertainers with leave-your-brains-at-home attitude. – Taran Adarsh
Thanks Taran ji. We couldn’t figure that out from the promos. I swear if the man had his way we would be leaving our brains not just at home, but in a foolproof safe under lock and key all the time.
But in a not-so-strange twist of fate, the one Akshay Kumar film that gets brainiac love turns out to have a lower opening day than the other release this Friday – ABCD.
So as always, #BRAINFAIL. Which leads me to…
Good God Ali Zafar. Like WTF man? I want to pluck him and his divine voice right out of this mess and send him to a meditation retreat in the Himalayas or something. It looks like he might need it.
David Dhawan just does not work without Govinda. PERIOD. Everybody except Rishi Kapoor looks totally awkward in this. And it’s heresy to even breathe mention of the original film in the same space as this garbage. UGH.
Nainon Me Sapna
I never thought it would be possible to de-energize this song because it’s so utterly manic. But here it is, a completely deflated version of the original. Tamannah looks like she can barely move let alone dance and Ajay was a non-starter to begin with.
Sajid Khan says: “Today by the grace of God Himmatwala is the hottest film in recent times, after Dabangg 2.”
Mm hmm. And I’m Aishwarya Rai.