Attack #1: The Shotgun Comedy Show
Well, Shatru Chacha had quite the week wreaking havoc all over YRF’s studios. As far as asking him to the unveiling of Yash Chopra’s statue for the Walk Of Fame, they can officially file that under WORST INVITE EVER.
In case you haven’t heard, what happened is he made quite the EPIC “faux pas” (I say he totally did this on purpose) when he failed to mention Aditya Chopra’s name in the list of family members he was reciting from apparently his awesome head, instead of a much-needed teleprompter. When this was pointed out to him, bullets were at the ready:
“…Rani Chopra ka naam liye hai toh zahir se baat hai Aditya Chopra ka naam leta…” (If I’ve mentioned Rani Chopra’s name then it goes without saying that I’ve also mentioned Aditya Chopra)
RANI FRIKKIN’ CHOPRA! That’s not a faux pas friends. That’s an old-desi-uncle sniper attack.
Anyway, the matter didn’t end there. Rani was either giggly or shocked beyond measure depending on which report you read. What’s clear though is that Aditya Chopra definitely had a panic attack after he got home, because YRF then ISSUED A PRESS RELEASE on the whole situation.
No no, not over-reacting at all. I mean, dudes don’t bother to clarify the title of the SRK film the whole world wants to know about for months but mention a little Rani Chopra and the YRF elves are all over it.
“While paying his respects to the memory of Mr Yash Chopra during the unveiling of the statue, he (Shatrughan Sinha) inadvertently made a comment which was completely unintended and a slip of the tongue. We should request you to treat it as such. There is nothing more to it.”
This is further proof that nobody at YRF has ANY BRAINS WHATSOEVER. They do realize, don’t they, by denying this shiz, they just keep confirming it more?
I mean, here’s the thing. Nobody cares if Rani & Aditya Chopra are married, not married, dating or singing love songs to each other on a snowy mountaintop. But they’ve made such an issue of denying stuff every time a picture or a report or something is published that it’s really hard to remain sympathetic. JUST GET ON WITH IT. Whatever it is.
Shotgun Chachu, was not done however. Khamosh applies to everybody but him. Basically, YRF, do not mess with this man. And safe to say, from here on out, they won’t:
I only stated the truth. Either you should not ask me to speak in public. If you do, you better be prepared for some frankspeak. I was asked to speak on the great Yash Chopra. While I was mentioning the family members my wife reminded me that I had forgot to mention Aditya Chopra. To this I replied, ‘I have mentioned Rani Chopra and that is as good as mentioning Aditya Chopra too.’ I see no harm in this. I didn’t think it would become such an issue.
It wouldn’t have been such an issue if Adi wasn’t such an wuss. Sorry. But it’s true.
Attack #2: John Abraham Joins Twitter
….on the same day Bipasha’s Aatma trailer comes out.
I mean, I dunno. Just saying.
So while John was all “oooooh, check out my motor bike and fancy helmets” and simultaneously pushing I, Me, Aur Main at a press conference (guerilla warfare via twitter), Team Bipasha released the trailer that’s been getting lots of buzz in snobu circles for a while now. And it’s fair to say that the fate of this movie – either critically or commercially – is key for Bipsu’s career at the moment.
Frankly I’m a little underwhelmed by it but it could be simply because horror isn’t really my genre. Let’s just say we’re glad this is miles apart from Vishesh wala horror which is always horrifying for all the wrong reasons. Plus NAWAZUDDIN. Anything he’s in, I’m in.
Later, Bipasha did another one of her hazaar interviews on loving yourself and loving other people and whatnot and in case anyone thought I was reading too much into the whole Bipasha versus John situation, when asked about Mr. Permanent One-Eyed Squint, she said -
Who? I don’t know that person.
Which reminds me, Happy Valentine’s Day!!
Attack #3: Hollywood!!
So I’ve written about this before, how I disagree completely with SRK’s assessment of things on the whole Hollywood front.
Ten years down the line, SRK believes, Indian film-makers will be toast. Hollywood will take over, like they did in Japan, Korea, Europe and other parts of the world. By way of examples, he talks of Christopher Nolan’s Inception and James Cameron’s Titanic.
But, as more people flock to cinemas, Hollywood’s finesse will eventually win them over. India may make the most movies in the world, but “With all due respect, the production values are s***. Why will my kids watch that kind of crap when Hollywood offers something slicker?”
His calculations indicate an Indian family spends roughly Rs 2,000 for each outing at a multiplex. “That’s one helluva lot of money for a family to spend.” And what’s more, “They spend more on pop corn, samosas and fizzy drinks than on the tickets. If Indian films can’t offer them a great experience for the money, it is inevitable they move to Hollywood, because they know Cameron or Nolan won’t cheat them out of the experience they’re looking for. I want them to come to me, not go to Hollywood. [Source: Forbes India]
I just don’t understand why he thinks Bollywood is going to disappear in 10 years. Business is booming. Content is improving. Genres of all shapes and sizes are working. Where is the threat?
No doubt, what SRK is thinking of is his children – like okay, maybe Aryan and Suhana aren’t going to break out the popcorn for Himmatwala anytime soon but there is a HUGE population in India and abroad, made up of both desis and non-desis who like Indian films because they are, well INDIAN. We don’t want Cameron or Nolan in Bollywood. We have Hollywood for that. And I didn’t feel cheated at all last year when I watched Kahaani or Student Of The Year or English Vinglish or Shanghai or Agneepath.
Can production values improve, can screenplay writing be tighter? Of course. That can be said for Hollywood too, where good work is matched equally with studio-driven crap with no artistic merit whatsoever. The point is, these are two different industries, two different cultures. Why the need to pit them against each other?
And you know why kids from every generation will still watch a Bollywood film, no matter how slick a Skyfall or a TDKR is? Because no other industry in the WORLD does what Bollywood does – because it still has an identity all of its own unlike any of the other industries whose styles have always been more or less influenced by Western tropes of storytelling. Bollywood storytelling emerged first and foremost from India’s own literary canon, mythology, traditions, poetry and music. I would rather he talk about preserving these traditions than worrying unduly about how un-slick our films are.
I’m sorry, I’m just not seeing the connection. Lemme know if it makes sense to you guys. To me the two industries are culturally, artistically and stylistically so many universes apart, there isn’t even any common ground for competition or comparison.
Final Attack – Gangs Of Social Media
If you haven’t seen this, you must. JUST DO IT.