I knooooooowwww, I’ve been away for way too long and I totally miss you guys but dudes, Bollywood Gossip requires a LOT of energy, I kid you not and there’s so much going on right now, it’s like OMG kill me now.
BUT, I have rallied and will TRY to be more regular with my posts. The next couple months are just a bit up and down though so just bear with me.
Anyway, ONWARDS and upwards to Bollywood!!
The Wedding Of The Century Is A Total Bore
I mean like seriously I was expecting Saif to cuss-out (or punch) at least one rogue paparazzo this month but the Royal Couple have managed to keep their Royal Wedding totally under wraps with uninteresting, badly dressed guests scowling in the back seats of their cars and an extra greasy Saif Ali Khan looking a bit scumbaggy in all white at the sangeet.
At least Bebo looked purdy if a little unoriginal.
What a letdown. I don’t know why but I was expecting all sorts of sparks to fly – Manish Malhotra and Karan Johar showing up in matching sequined bowties or something, maybe a Bebo-PC-Deepika fake smiley freezefest and loads of hot goss but everything appears to be quite proper and completely void of drama so far.
Reports indicate that the wedding tomorrow is also going to be a low-key affair. Frankly, I feel a bit cheated. If there’s a tattoo and a huge rock, there should be a big dramatic wedding to match.
The Jab Tak Hai Jaan OST
So I gather there’s been all sorts of controversy surrounding the much anticipated Jab Tak Hai Jaan soundtrack with the general consensus being that it’s a little disappointing.
Personally I didn’t find it disappointing so much as unexpected. Yeah, Rabbi’s vocals on Shahrukh’s visuals is a tad jarring but only because we haven’t heard this kind of sound before on SRK. I think Chhalla‘s lyrics are beautiful.
Saans to me sounds more like a typical Yash Chopra kind of grand, uber-romantic song. I wasn’t crazy about it when I first heard it, and I still can’t say it’s a favorite but there’s something about it that’s haunting and I think it gets the emotionality right.
My favorite song in the album is the title track which I immediately fell in love with.
I’m really liking the way the songs were shot, they have a different kind of vibe about them, a bit naughtier and messier than anything we’ve seen from Yash Chopra before – and yet, it’s still very much Yash Chopra. In a way, it’s kind of exciting that a lot of the JTHJ stuff isn’t as typical as it might’ve been.
Leading Ladies – Heroine, English Vinglish & Aiyyaa
So this was the month of all the heroine-centric movies chasing each other back to back. Unfortunately Heroine’s been declared a fiasco and it looks (very sadly) like Aiyyaa is going the same route.
Which is such a shame because one would think that Dreamum Wakeuppam and Aga Bai alone would make Aiyyaa worth the price of the ticket. Rani totally rocks both songs and we’ve already established that Prithviraj is a Studly Stud (and I hope to God Bollywood is signing him up for some movies). But it seems director Sachin Kundalkar didn’t manage the line between Fun-OTT and Annoying-OTT as well as he should’ve.
Anyway, English Vinglish is the only movie I actually managed to watch and I totally loved it. I mean, Sridevi is just the freakin’ bossman of Bollywood, end of story. As all the reviews have said, it’s just a sweet, simple and (most importantly) satisfying story – which in a way is kind of a tough feat to manage in an industry that’s so big on spectacle films. Full props to Gauri Shinde for creating a world and characters you totally fall in love with and a warm, engaging and clean script.
Queens come and queens go, but Sridevi is on another level altogether. One can’t even call it a comeback because watching her on screen it was literally like she never left.
And speaking of queens and comebacks, what the hell happened to Ishkq In Paris? It’s like it just disappeared off the face of the earth.
But I suspect no one’s complaining.
SOTY Promos aka The RGV-KJo Bitchfest Continues
The best SOTY promotional moment so far comes to us hands down via RGV, who seems to be channeling all his former film-making talents into his tweet war with KJo. I mean seriously, can we file these under Sarcasm 101 in the Guinness Book of World Sarcasm?
Student of the year truly really and honestly looks like its the best film of Karan johar and the bestest film of Indian cinema ever—
Ram Gopal Varma (@RGVzoomin) October 07, 2012
I love the sheer never before seen imagery and the extraordinary originality and even more extraordiny directorial brilliance—
Ram Gopal Varma (@RGVzoomin) October 07, 2012
Unfortunately, KJo was off his bitch-game this round, making a tepid comeback with:
“I didn’t realize he was still alive. Is Bhoot Returns his debut?”
…or something equally lame.
Sigh. He’s been spending too much time with those air-brained kids he’s launching.
Speaking of which YOU HAVE TO WATCH THIS ROFLMAOBAHAHAHA PARODY OF ISHQ WALA LOVE APPROPRIATELY ENTITLED GANA WALA SONG!!!!
Tu bacha MANISH CHACHA!!!
Ye Shahrukh wala template leke same pose hi karaya…
So many great lyrics but my favorite has to be:
Pink wala ped ko humne jala hi dala (We went ahead and burned the pink tree)
Isse zyada melodrama kya hoga sala (What could be more melodramatic than that?)
PC Is In Gunday
Let’s face it, between Priyanka and Katrina it was a lose-lose proposition either way. Which totally sucks because with both Ranveer & Arjun sporting The Sexy Beards I was really looking forward to it.
The truly stunning thing is that despite all of PC’s recent “accomplishments” my dislike of her continues to reign uninterrupted.
Why? Heck if I know.
Then again, there’s this:
Hers was a fairly typical American teenage experience full of football games, pep rallies, and drama club productions. Chopra was the pretty, popular girl with perfect grades. – SPIN Magazine
Was she now? You mean just like they show on TV?
That “fairly typical American teenage experience” sounds like it’s full of cliches and makes for good copy, but is about as real as her accent and her “Say whaaaaa?” tweets. From age 13 until senior year in high school hardly gives a girl time to become quite as “American” as all that, especially if she was constantly moving around.
What’s next, PC bakes the perfect apple pie – please buy her album?
Ranbir & The 100 Crore Club
Excuse me, can we just all hail the prince here please because Ranbir totally became a 100 Crore Hero by playing the most non-masala-y hero ever since the inauguration of the 100 Crore Club.
This only proves 2 very obvious things.
1) The 100 Crore Club is really not that big a deal anymore. (I mean, even Abhishek can call himself a 100 Crore Hero now.)
2) All theories regarding the South-Remake hit-making formula have gone for a toss. Apparently, as long as you’re copying or remaking something, you’ll have a hit on your hands. Just avoid originality like the plague and you’ll be fine.
And speaking of original….
Matru Ki Bijlee Ki Mandola
…in which a Large Pink Cow totally upstages Imran Khan’s beard.
I mean this is so original, I don’t even get the trailer – which naturally means that the film snobs are going gaga over it.
To be honest, it doesn’t look like something I’d watch on the big screen because:
But Anushka, Pankaj Kapur and the whole smart-people-watch-Vishal-Bhardwaj-movies thing will ensure I seek it out on DVD.
The Mouthwash Song aka Po Po from Son Of Sardar
Is this the laziest song ever or what? It’s like lyric writing for those who couldn’t be bothered to write lyrics and dance moves for those who couldn’t be bothered to dance.
BUT, you guys, do not judge. That mouthwash move is REALLY hard to do (try it) and Salman’s the only one who is really doing it correctly.
Which means his dental hygiene is far superior to that of either Ajay or Sanju.
As for who looks the creepiest with the creepy buggy eyes – well, I’ll let you decide.